How terrible it is

To be close enough to touch

Yet still a million miles away




Fly away my amaranthine bird
I won’t keep you caged anymore
I love you to much to be gentle
You’re much to fragile for the intensity that is me
You no longer sing when I walk into the room
I see only fear and distrust in your eyes
You don’t fly to my shoulder
Nor follow me to perch nearby
You want your freedom
Please just fly away, go
Perhaps you’ll find someone
Content to love you lightly
Just like I used to do


She wonders if he’s really gone
Her words & feelings falling flat
She thought for sure he still cared
It appears now it’s been a ruse
Perhaps this is retribution
For the pain he has endured
She wonders how long she can be pushed away
While he pretends to be concerned
Every day it feels like she’s dying
If only he would give her a glimmer of hope
He will no longer give her anything
He just wants her to leave him alone


I’m trying to be strong
Not let the tears
The sadness lingers
Rippling the surface
Being unwanted
by the one you live for
Is indescribably painful
Desperately clinging
To half smiles,
almost whispers
Hinting that love
may exist again
Worthless, hopeless,
ruined, evil
Are the thoughts
that fill my mind
Any good I’ve ever done
buried far beneath
the inconssumate bad
Undeserving of your love, of you
Draining you, needing you, dependent upon you,
my insecurities weigh you down
I don’t know how to love you
with any less ferocity,
with anything less
than my entire heart and soul
There is no love without you
There is only nothing


Once he loved her more
Than there are stars in the sky
Without limits without measure
Completely without end
Then she hurt him, destroyed him
Left not one inch unscathed and it happened again as if destroying him once wasn’t enough for her she had to scatter his ashes, defecate upon them, ground them into the desecrated earth obliterating everything they once were.
Now she’s sorry, realizes how wrong she was, but it’s too late, he can’t go back the damage can’t be undone. He knows it wasn’t really her, the drugs had taken her soul- yet it’s her voice he hears, her eyes looking into his when he remembers. The nightmares won’t leave, the panic is just as strong. She will just go again, leave him all alone. No more! He cries he can not let her back in. It’s over forever his heart she won’t win. So she is destroyed a creation of her own making. She used him to kill herself her love is suffocation, poison. She couldn’t live without his love, couldn’t die alone. She searched for his ashes to breathe them back to life, she’d lost him once again- he’d already risen.